Spiritual growth

I must admit I am not a religious person. Well, at least not as of the moment. But I used to be. I used to be part of a church which is quite radical and active in its evangelistic thrusts. I was quite the passionate and indignant member. I obeyed the rules. I followed every commandment. I reached out to a lot of people through sharing my faith (aka recruitment). I did everything that my pastor told God was telling me to do. I made fruits. I was a happy disciple.

Well, I was till leadership responsibilities came. When I became a leader of a small discipleship group, everything changed so suddenly. Things became fast. Things became figures. Things became goals. And things became quite clear. I have been fooled. I was led to believe that things are done with a pure heart. I was wrong. Leadership taught me to do things out of fear, out of obligation, out of figures. It didn’t take too long for my heart to be led astray and all I see are figures and goals. There was no happiness in serving anymore. I served in order to save my ass.

Spiritual growth? Yes I can say I have grown spiritually through the challenges that I faced. I learned that in a graceless church, sprituality cannot thrive. In a church driven by performance, the members are people pleasers rather than God pleasers.

I left. And I realized that what I considered growth was just a facade.